Unlike an American boy, who would have just got the picture (as in, the I don’t like you please stop asking to hang out with me picture) my coworker has decided to keep asking me out. He is fine if I want to bring some friends with me. He wants to go skiing in Iwate Prefecture next week. I however, have to take my cat to the vet to get a microchip put in him that weekend. I know that sounds like a fake excuse, but it is actually true, and if I don’t do it that weekend my cat will not be able to come back to America with me, because of the time regulations required by the state of Hawaii. SO, I think I will use this (valid) excuse to get out of this awkward Group Date for next weekend at least. I suppose I could tell him how Ricky Ricardo, my BOYfriend (who is as much of my boyfriend as George Glass is to Jan Brady) is taking me monkey watching next weekend in his hot air balloon.

Also, let me tell you I do NOT, really do not want to go on a Group Date. Because I have been on one before. Once when I was in junior high. Oh, the awkwardness of it all. So my best friend at the time, we shall from this point on refer to her as Miss Hot-Topic-Sassy-Pants (I am sure she doesn’t wear Hot Topic anymore..well somewhat sure) got asked out by her friend Mr. Adorable-Asian-Smiles-Kid. So she went out with him, but invited me to come along, I don’t know why she thought this was a good idea, but she basically wanted me there for moral support. I sort of reluctantly agreed to come, but my tween adolescent mind got the better of me, since at the time was fascinated to see how this was going to play out, so I came. We met at a mall in Hawaii, and to my surprise a bunch of her other friends and his friends came as well. To be honest, I don’t remember the rest of her friends because I can only recall Short-Curly-Haired-Jewish-Kid. The reason I remember Short-Curly-Haired-Jewish-Kid is because he clung to me during the entire group date and never left my side (this however, was not as awkward as the time an acquaintance of mine set me up on a blind date, which I didn’t realize was one, with Mr.McLawyer-Wrinkled-Forehead-Nerdy-Pants which I will discuss later). I am not really sure why he liked me, I was told this later on by Miss Hot-Topic-Sassy-Pants, but anyway this story isn’t about me, it’s about the Group Date.

The Group Date basically consisted of was walking around the mall.  In a Group.  We all followed my friend and Mr. Adorable-Asian-Smiles-Kid. There were about two or three moments when my friend and this boy held hands awkwardly, while the rest of us trailed behind. Shorty, next to my side, kept trying to make a move on me. 

I don’t think we really did anything else, maybe we saw a movie, I really don’t remember, but that was the end of it. Of course later, Miss-Hot-Topic-Sassy-Pants called me up and told me that Short-Curly-Haired-Jewish-Kid thought I was cute and wanted to go out with me. Not returning his amour, I told her bluntly that I thought he was too short for me. Of course, I didn’t realize that she had him ON THE PHONE on three way (this was before conference calling via Skype). Unfortunately, he wasn’t a mouth breather, so I had no idea he was on the phone listening to me INSULT him.

This also reminds me of the time Miss-Hot-Topic-Sassy-Pants and I were walking down the hall and she asked me if I thought Blonde-Long-Haired-Skater-Boy was cute. I did think he was cute, but I was embarrassed to admit to such a thing in public where a myriad of my peers could hear me, instead I told her that “I thought he had a big nose.” Which, was true, he did have a big nose, but I thought his big nose was actually nice. I did not realize he was standing behind me. We both turned and there he was, looking at me as if I had hurt his feelings, which of course I had. I have learned to not say mean things aloud anymore, or at least to check behind my shoulder before I do say anything. I also learned that I would have been much more embarrassed after I had told her the truth and he had heard it, thus my INSULT saved me.

The only other date I have been on was one I didn’t realize was happening until months later (I am not even kidding about this). So I used to work for a Government Official at one point and worked at the Capitol building. In the vanpool I was in was this lady, who strangely enough worked at one point with one of my best friend’s (Looks-Like-Me) Dad. She was a lawyer. At the time I had been thinking about going to law school, so she emailed me and asked if I wanted to meet up with her and another lawyer friend at the Capitol Cafeteria to have lunch and share information. I agreed of course, and we all met, I naively thought this would be only for networking, although these crafty lawyers had something else in mind. McLawyer-Wrinkled-Forehead-Nerdy-Pants was clearly much older than me, I was I think 23 at the time, and this guy had to have been in his 40s. Anyway, we had lunch, and I saw him shortly after on campus saying that he had had fun and asked me if I wanted to have lunch again. I responded that sure, I wouldn’t mind having lunch with him and Crafty-Lawyer-Lady from my vanpool again. He looked hurt and dejected, and I looked back at him confused. MONTHS later I was hanging out at Looks-Like-Me’s house and her mom and whilst shooting the breeze she goes, “Crafty-Lawyer-Lady, she is a whack-a-doo. I heard she tried to set you up on a blind date.”

 Umm, what? Then it all made sense. Fortunately, I moved back to Hawaii shortly after and never saw Crafty-Lawyer-Lady or McLawyer-Wrinkled-Forehead-Nerdy-Pants again.

Anyhow, people here keep saying to me, “Oh you should go out with this guy!” “Why don’t you give him a chance?” Blah, blah, blah…Well I will tell you why, BECAUSE I have already hung out with this guy on numerous occasions at work, and it is always awkward. Why would I want to subject myself to a whole evening of awkward when I could watch Wentworth Miller on Prison Break at my house (I have just discovered Prison Break, I know I am like 10 years late or whatever plus Wentworth Miller is as my friend Glamourous-Vietnamese-Chick says, “Soooooo fine.”) with my BOYfriend Ricky Ricardo, professional magician and pirate. And maybe I want to go out with a boy that I actually like, (is that really so much to ask??).  I also think its kind of mean to lead people on, I’m a firm believer that if you don’t like someone in that way, you just need to be honest with them.   Although, my EMAIL response apparently wasn’t honest enough, because he still wants to go out on this Group Date thing. I straight up need to be like more American the next time we meet, hopefully my foreignness will scare him off. Or maybe I can hire one of the JETs to be my boyfriend for a day on the Group Date.

(Addendum:

As you have read this you probably realize there are only two dates there.  That is because I have only gone on two dates before, other wise I would have written more (obviously) and since one of them wasn’t technically mine, I will have to say that I have only been on 1.5 dates, if you include the date that I didn’t know I was on with McLawyer…I am not including all the dates Ricky Ricardo has taken me on: those dates include: ①hot air ballooning in his hot air balloon and searching for aluminum cans (that is his pasttime) ②going to all of his pirate and magician shows.)

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