I have discovered why I am single. HOW is it that I have discovered this? Well let me tell you.

Because someone told me why over gchat. Well, that and a few other reasons which I already knew about. 

I actually think I already knew this the whole time deep down. But before I tell you why, let me preface this with a quick story.

Once when in college, I was in a lounge area talking with a group of random peeps and this girl who we will call Juicy-Couture-Sassy-Pants was going on and on about her boyfriend issues; and other people were jumping in talking about their own relationships. Feeling left out of the conversation, but wanting to join, I remarked that I had never had a boyfriend, to which she replied, “What is wrong with you?”

I don’t exactly remember how I responded to this, but I do remember feeling that wasn’t the nicest remark to tell someone.

Anyway, now I have an answer to that question.

Over the years, I am now in my late 20’s, and still have never had a boyfriend, been kissed, or anything actually. Yes, my friends, you are beholding a (dramatic pause)….a Unicorn!
Take a good look my friends, because we don’t often come around.  Now you might think in your mind, okay this Blue Forest Princess chick has to have like a horn growing out of her eye or something, or have an extra toe, or something equally horrendous. Here is a picture of me: you can decide whatever you want to about how I look, but if it is mean keep it to yourself. On good days. I also drew myself a Self-poortrait. (Also, I can’t be totally undesirable, in fact I have gotten two awkward Japanese guys to ask me out, one Japanese girl to ask to be my boyfriend twice, and a marriage proposal from a JET all in one weekend, I mean come on, seriously, that is talent, people.)

REASON #1: I am Scary…(apparently).
ANYWAYs, here is how I discovered my the first reason, it actually came from a chat (with edits of course) I had with my friend Thinks-He-Is-Gorgeous-Korean-Guy.

 Thinks-He-Is-Gorgeous-Korean-Guy: fyi i love your stories of your dates 🙂

Me: Haha, they were pretty bad…All 1.5 of them. Boys are afraid of me.

Thinks-He-Is-Gorgeous-Korean-Guy: yeah thats why i didnt ask you out before

Me: yeah, Glamourous-Vietnamese-Chick (mutual friend of ours) told me once that I was really intimidating.

*(Although once she punched a hole in the wall when we were at a Board Game Tournament because her team lost once, which I thought was actually scary for real-and even she has a boyfriend.)

Thinks-He-Is-Gorgeous-Korean-Guy: I would say it’s because your personality is strong…which is a good thing

Me: hmmm…sometimes I say things that make people feel uncomfortable…so in what way is my personality strong?

Thinks-He-Is-Gorgeous-Korean-Guy: i’m not sure if you want me to answer that. because my perspective is really different than others in Our Circle

Me: lay it on me its fine…I need to hear this constructive criticism so I can be self-aware

Thinks-He-Is-Gorgeous-Korean-Guy: for me personally I like really strong women that can voice their opinion and let ppl know whats up

 Me: So basically you are saying that I freaked all those boys in Our Circle out (shocker…not) bc. of my out spokenness? well, I dont think I am going to change that part of myself…lol

Thinks-He-Is-Gorgeous-Korean-Guy: yeah because like i said they are Our Circle guys and for the most part they all like the same type of girls…they all like Miss Sweetheart-Shiny-Hair-Princess-Pants or Miss Norwegian Princess girl

Me: hahaha…yes, I can totally see that…I am not the typical Our Circle girl…I have always marched to the tune of my own drum

Thinks-He-Is-Gorgeous-Korean-Guy: which is good and that scares alot of the Our Circle guys because if the girl doesn’t fit into the Our Circle mold, they run.


Anyhow, I found this conversation fascinating, at 5’6 and not a heavy girl, I have never really thought of myself as intimidating, but I can kind of see what he is saying about my personality. I am not exactly docile, but I don’t think I am  mean either. I don’t fight and I really dislike arguments of any kind. I mean I didn’t even react to that girl who asked what was wrong with me that I didn’t have a boyfriend.

But there are times when I will say how I think things are, and I guess that scares boys.  I blame my parents, my mom and dad are very upfront and overt with each other.

 Maybe I need do to tone myself down a bit in this area and be NICER.

My friend Puerto-Rican twin and I had a conversation on gchat when I told her what Korean-Guy said:

Puerto-Rican-Twin: That is harsh a bit.  How did you scare guys away?

me: its okay I asked him to tell me actually I think because I am not a docile woman I kind of say what is on my mind and I think some of the boys were intimidated I’m not like a “cutesy” Norewegian girl..I am also not Asian enough to attract boys with yellow fever

Puerto-Rican-Twin: hahaha Its funny that that is what they want in a woman

me: I guess so…which is why I am still single…in fact all my old crushes ended up with a cutesy Norwegian/European girl or a hot asian chick

Puerto-Rican-Twin: Well they are missing out. Who does not want to have a gf who completely doesnt realize she got a big hole in her pants under her butt cheek?
To be honest though, there are two (3) really good reasons for why I am momentarily Forever ARONE.

Reason# 2: The Wanderlust Issue

Is because of my penchant for the adventurous.  Okay, I totally have an ADDICTION.  I am addicted to traveling.  And not just traveling, but like living in other countries.  I wonder if they have TA (Travelers Anonymous)…because I think I may have to check myself to rehab…I want to go everywhere and see everything.  If they had a shuttle to MARS, I would totally go on it (btw, I looked this up and they actually do have shuttles to outer space, but you have to be like a bagillionaire so 😦 no go for Blue Forest Princess).  Living in Seattle, Honolulu, London, Japan, within the past 5 years has made me kind of unavailable.  However, I do not regret moving or traveling to any country I have ever been to at any time in my life. Totes worth it.

The REAL reason and Reason#3: Jesus.

Okay, so while I joke most of the time about being forever arone, I really do think the real reason I am single has to do with God’s sovereignty and the basically the fact that I am in love with Jesus. 

AND BTWs, what is not to love about Jesus? I mean, He is basically Love Incarnate. How could someone not be wooed by Jesus who has “loved you with an everlasting love?” Jeremiah 31:3 and verses like “What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies.  Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Romans 8 :31-35

I mean seriously, that is hot…like God wants to give us everything we want and at the same time save us from destruction, and he doesn’t condemn us for anything?….(MAN I love me some Jesus, how can anyone NOT want You Lord, You are so fine. In a righteous and holy way of course. 😀 )

ANYWAY, Because I’m not like a cutesy Norwegian or petite kind hearted Asian girl, boys at church don’t usually come running as was hightlighted by my chat with Korean-Guy-Who-thinks-He-is-Gorgeous.  The guys who do usually hit on me, don’t love Jesus, but to them I am off limits.

Anyhow, I know for sure that God had something else in store for me.  And I want it. And by “it” not about like marrying someone amazing necessarily, I  mean “it”, the type of life I want to lead. I want that more than I want to date someone or get married, and that has been my choice.  And while I do get down on myself sometimes for being single, (tempted to ask the question:what is wrong with me?) I remember that I am not in charge of my own life, and I continue to trust that God has a plan for me.  

In the meantime I will be singing this tune by Brooke Fraser.

(Bonus Reason #4: Ricky.

I should have mentioned, my fourth reason is because of my imaginary boyfriend:

English-Teacher-Guy-Who-Has-Nothing-To-Do-At-Work: can u send me his picture?

me: okay hold on…I have to find a good pic of us.

1:32 PM English-Teacher-Guy-Who-Also-Has-Nothing-To-Do-At-Work: lol

1:33 PM me: sorry i couldnt find a good one of me and him together,  but here is a picture of him

1:34 PM English-Teacher-Guy-Who-Also-Has-Nothing-To-Do-At-Work: lol he looks waaaaaaaaaay older than in his 20s!

 me: this is him as a kid
 English-Teacher-Guy-Who-Also-Has-Nothing-To-Do-At-Work: but hey! likes magic!

 me: if you wanna see him looking younger http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_MSKV0Fhnksw/SwpBHRBmPBI/AAAAAAAABec/Mk1ITapqsEg/s1600/Magician%2BAkash%2BS.M.jpg

 He used to be indian

English-Teacher-Guy-Who-Also-Has-Nothing-To-Do-At-Work: Bwahahahaha

I mean, R. Ricardo and I just have too much fun together. I don’t really know if I could give that up.)