Plans for The Capture

Coming up with a plan for The Capture is much harder than I thought.  First off, there aren’t a lot of Manly Boys Who Don’t Wear Skinny Jeans And Love Jesus for me to Capture in this world (especially in the Blue Forest of Japan..in fact I think I have hit the jackpot for living in a place known for the very opposite, that is, a place filled with Effeminate Boys who Wear Skinny Jeans (and sometimes make up) and Don’t Love Jesus and also because even if I was in America a lot of Boys Who Love Jesus Wear Skinny Jeans these days…case in point once my friends Travels-A-Lot-Girl, B-Baller-Boy and I went to Nordstroms because B-Baller-Boy wanted to try some Sevens Jeans on…Travels-A-Lot-Girl and I waited in the Men’s Department on the Couch and started watching the football game…B-Baller-Boy came out and asked us how we thought his pants looked…while keeping our eyes on the tv screen we said the pants looked good…he bought the pants…)

Plans Considered:
 
Plan A: Physical Capture.
 
Thoughts: When I came up with the idea for The Capture, of course the image that flashed that immediately through my mind included one of those traps that is basically a giant box with nothing but a stick holding it up attached to a string.  I would have to put various that would attract the type of Boy I like, such as a Bible and a giant steak and a pair of big jeans…and basically I would wait in the bushes and hope for the best, pull the string, and thus Capture the Boy. Or I could use a giant cage, like in the game Mouse Trap (anyone remember that game? So fun!)  But after thinking this through, a whole bunch of logistical problems came up in my head, like…where could I even place this trap?  I certainly can’t put it in the Forest near my house, after all there are no boys of any kind around.  I couldn’t place it in town, because that is probably illegal. Anyway, even if it worked and I caught said Manly Boy who Doesn’t Wear Skinny Jeans and Loves Jesus I don’t think that he would be induced to stay after he realized that Captured him by trickery. I mean, I couldn’t even physically hold him there, remember I can’t even open the pickle jar at my house (#9), how am I supposed to hold said Boy down.
 
Conclusion: Will definitely not work. No, this contraption to capture must be one that purely takes place of the mind of the Boy to be Captured. I think this is where the term “feminine wiles” comes into play.
 
Plan B: Using my Feminine Wiles
 
Thoughts: So I suppose I could bust out my feminine wiles.   I mean, books and movies are always talking about how a woman charms a man with her “feminine wiles”, but never really explain what these are.  I am assuming that probably this is something akin to flirting (or maybe pheromones? I’m not really sure…) I imagine…although I don’t really flirt, like Ever. It’s not that I don’t know (I think, jeez…) how but for some reason I can only see Plan B as going horribly wrong. Plus, I think that when people flirt most of the time its just ends up looking really cheesy…or disasterous (btw…speaking of flirting disasters: WATCH THIS)…Okay, out of curiousity I looked up the word “wiles” and it simply means to trick, so this is actually not really a way to achieve my goal, its actually my goal itself which means that its not really a plan at all.
 
Conclusion: Potential Cheesy or Disasterous Results to follow, also “Wiles” definition not actual plan=Ex-Nay.
 
Plan C: Food.
 
Thoughts: I asked Puerto-Rican-Twin for some advice on how to capture a Boy and she suggested tabemono:
 
Puerto-Rican-Twin:  Lure them with food.I was quite surprised by this. But apparently the two most important developments with my boyfriend in our relationship was with food
me:  i was gonna put steak in the trap.
Puerto-Rican-Twin:  He started thinking I was nice and cute after I cooked him a steak when we were friends…And when he got sick and I walked all the way to his place to give him pasta, he said that was the moment he fell in love with me
me:  that is going to be my Plan C
Puerot-Rican-Twin:  hahahaha
me:  what can i cook though
Puerto-Rican-Twin:  So yes. The way to a mans heart is definitely his stomach
me:  i dont have anyone i like right now though..dang it..so i cant cook any food
Puerto-Rican-Twin:  I think anything is fine by them. They like the thought behind it.But Steak is definitely a safe bet unless they are vegetarian
me:  maybe once I trap them first in the giant cage..then i can cook for them
 
Conclusion: Has potential.
 
 
Plan D: Becoming More Like a Boy.
 
Thoughts: Sounds so smart and psychologically-pants doesn’t it? I mean it worked for Amanda Bynes didn’t it?…To get a Boy, I need to think like one.  I am pretty certain that if Sun Tzu wrote a book on The Art of Capturing a Boy Who Doesn’t Wear Skinny Jeans and Loves Jesus, this would definitely be one of the chapter headings.
 
Puerto-Rican-Twin:  okay another trap. Depending on the guy….videogames
me:  oh thats right, boys really like videogames
Puerto-Rican-Twin:  yea. I got into videogames because of mine and now I am like his wingman in games
me:  hahaha..but i only like tetris and words with friends
Puerto-Rican-Twin:  Well he is mine actually because I am better then he is
me:  and wwf isnt even a video game..i dont think…
Puerto-Rican-Twin:  You have to expand your scope a bit
me:  hmmm i used to play mario and duck hunt…when i was like 5years old..i would totally cheat and walk up to the
screen though in duck hunt
Puerto-Rican-Twin:  hahahaha. Well here is my experience…First I played against a bunch of guys super smash brothers. I immediately gained some respect from that
me:  well what if i ending up sucking…then they wouldn’t be impressed at all
Puerto-Rican-Twin:  But with my bf and his friends I played Modern Warfare 2 or Battlefield. I am considered now the cool gf
me:  hmm..i think I would train for like a year first…maybe while the Boy is in his cage
Puerto-Rican-Twin:  I sucked at first too..oh man. I couldnt kill anyone in those games…Trust me it doesnt matter how you start it matters that you show interest in what they like
me:  hmm..i dont really like playing video games that much though…i know thats how Hermit Boy and Hermit Girl in the Third Gate met though working at a video game store
Puerto-Rican-Twin:  hahaha really?
me:  lol yes…and now they are married…maybe that is my problem…i dont play enough video games
Puerto-Rican-Twin:  hahahaha…You just need to step into the guys world a little bit to make them happy..I talk with my bf about all kinds of stuff. Videogames, sports, etc.
me: I I’m not very into sports either…dang…this is harder than i thought
 Puerto-Rican-Twin:  I think its cause the guy doesnt want to step into the girls world…Its easier for a girl to step into a guys world and still remain a girl in others eyes. Not so much for guys.
me:  that is interesting…and very true i think…i think i am just too girly…so basically…i have to become more like a boy
to get a boy..hmm..that does make a lot of sense actually
 
Conclusion: Has potential, but not possible for my girly self to achieve.
 
Plan E: How to Be Obvious Without Being Obvious
 
Princess #2 suggested Plan E.
 
me: hey…help me with my blog what’s the best way to Capture a boy
Princess #2: food.
me: that is Plan C
Princess #2: set a trap like in a old bugs bunny cartoon
me: Plan A
Princess #2: put a plate of food under a box
me: lol
Princess #2: with a string tied to a stick..  or maybe put an xbox under the there…an xbox in a box
me: well Video games falls under Plan D… i dont think there are any other ways… i mean i cant think of any
Princess #2: i trick guys into asking me out on dates
me: lol how..I sense a potential Plan E
Princess #2: lol okay so when was in college, had just broken up with my ex, i was single for the first time in years and i was like, i want to go out on dates so when i would talk to guys at parties or whatever, if they said something like “i like sushi” i would be like, “i LOVE sushi, i really wanted to go the other day but my friends were all busy, i’ve been like craving it” and they would be like….ummmmm i could take you?…maybe and i would be like yea! let’s do it and they’d be like, yea…yea let’s do it!…guys are like complete babies about asking girls out
me: that is true hmm…you would have been a good guy Princess #2
Princess #2: you basically just have to make it totally obvious that you want to do something, and if you have a friendly enough personality they are going to think, hey, she probably wouldn’t mind doing this with me…it’s like, how to be obvious without being obvious..
do you think i could come to the movie tonight?
are you seeing beauty and the beast?
me: LOL
..oh wait you are serious.. I thought you were giving me an example.
 
Conclusion: Will have to run some tests on this later.
 
 
Advertisements